Toxicity: What Good Comes From Toxic Friends?
- Izzy Kate
- Mar 23
- 4 min read
Have you ever had to deal with toxic friends in your life? Well today I'm going to be talking about my experiences and how to deal with them.
Most people could probably think back to some point in their life where they knew someone who was really toxic, whether that be a classmate or parent, but it's even worse when it's a friend. This is because we value our friends opinions on us so much, so it can be hard to break out of a loop of constantly being manipulated.
In My Experience...
Whenever I think of toxic friends I used to have, I think heavily upon one scenario I dealt with in my life. The first time I ever dealt with a toxic friend was in the 5th grade. I had moved schools and met this super sweet girl. We bonded very quickly because everything I liked, she also said she liked. I immediately really liked her. I remember one of my other friends from my old school warning me about her, but quite honestly, I thought she was just jealous that I had begun to make friends this quick. To keep this person anonymous, we will call her Eliza. One day at school, the day before my Birthday, I had received a folded up note from Eliza basically saying she hated me, thought I was ugly, and that I didn't deserve to be her friend. Then, under the note, there was a list of signatures from most of the other girls in the class. I always think about the way I felt in that moment. My world, or so it had seemed, had collapsed.
I had lost all the friends I had made suddenly the day before my Birthday with no idea why. When my teacher saw me crying he sent both me and Eliza down to the office to discuss what was going on. She began apologizing to me. She said she was sorry and that she didn't mean to. It didn't matter what she said, I was humiliated.
DIDN'T MEAN TO?? She had the whole class sign their names to say they agreed with how ugly and unworthy of friendship I was and yet, she was sorry?
I didn't get it, and quite honestly, I still don't. I don't remember why she did it, but it turns out she forged all their signatures. For some reason, we continued being friends after that moment. (I was stupid. Yes, I know). I later ended up realizing that she wasn't a good person and that I shouldn't have to deal with someone treating me so badly. Fortunately I later made new friends.
Get Me Out of This Mess
Getting someone bad out of your life can be hard, especially if it's someone who may end up causing drama, ultimately making the situation worse. In my opinion, not showing interest in that person and finding new friends are the best ways to steer clear from a toxic mess.
First, I'd like to say that you should always be polite. Just because someone is rude, doesn't mean you should be too. As my mom always used to say, "kill them with kindness". Sometimes they realizing how nice you are, makes them feel bad for being a jerk to you in the first place.
Here are my two steps to taking a toxic person out of your life. You have to start by showing disinterest. If you don't act interested in their latest drama or conversations, they probably aren't gonna want to talk to you as much anymore. They'll want to find someone who is gonna be interested in their discussions. Someone who lives in a world of drama needs an audience, so not having an audience will force them to look elsewhere. Second, to keep yourself from trying to go back to this toxic person, find new friends. Just as a reminder, just because you're making new friends, doesn't mean you should go talking poorly about the toxic person behind they're back. Acting like that makes you just as bad as them. Your school is full of amazing students. Your best friend is one "hello" away.
Key Things to Remember
Toxic people aren't always the easiest to spot. Here are a few signs that could mean you are dealing with someone who you may want to avoid.
They make fun of you all the time
Sometimes a good friendship consists of getting to make fun of one another, but when they constantly make fun of you, they aren't a good friend. Especially when they make fun of you about things they know you don't think are funny, e.g. something you're insecure about, your family, your other friends, or your style. I've noticed that when you tell them something they said wasn't funny, they'll reply with "it's just a joke".
Two-Faced
This means that they act one away around just you, and another way in front of others. If they treat you nice in private, but suddenly act super rude when in public, then they aren't the friend for you.
One-sided relationship
If you feel like you are only ever the one putting effort into the friendship, then the friendship probably isn't meant to be. It's as simple as that. If they really wanted to be a good friend to you, they already would be. You should never be the only one texting or calling first.
Debbie Downer
No one likes a Debbie Downer. A Debbie Downer is someone who is constantly negative and always leaves you feeling sad and drained. Find yourself a Positive Polly! If at the end of the day they can't make you smile, then find yourself someone new!
this is so real